Time for a Little Levity

[rockhole]

These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos. Some great wit here:


1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."


2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to,but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....



16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign right here."

[j-mac31]

[F111]

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is standing outside of the ladies dressing room waiting for his mum to come out.
While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his mum comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin’s skirt. “Get your hand out of there!”
She shouts. “Don’t you know that women have teeth down there?”
The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn’t get bitten.
For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs. When he’s 16, he gets a girlfriend.
One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out, she says, “You know, you could go a little further if you want.”
What do you mean?” he asks.
“Well, why don’t you put your hand down there?” she says, pointing to her crotch.
“Hell no,” he cries, “You’ve got teeth down there!”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she responds, “there’s no such thing as teeth down there!”
“Yes, there are,” he says, “my mum told me so.”
“No, there aren’t,” she insists. “Here, look for yourself.” With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.
“No, I’m sorry” he says. “My mum already told me that all women have teeth down there.”

“Oh for crying out loud!” she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, “LOOK, I DON’T have any teeth down there.”

The boy takes a good long look and replies, “Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I’m not surprised!”

[rockhole]

Ohhh, Joy!!!

[Jazz_84]

haha oh wow

[j-mac31]

[bomberdonnie]

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is standing outside of the ladies dressing room waiting for his mum to come out.
While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his mum comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin’s skirt. “Get your hand out of there!”
She shouts. “Don’t you know that women have teeth down there?”
The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn’t get bitten.
For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs. When he’s 16, he gets a girlfriend.
One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out, she says, “You know, you could go a little further if you want.”
What do you mean?” he asks.
“Well, why don’t you put your hand down there?” she says, pointing to her crotch.
“Hell no,” he cries, “You’ve got teeth down there!”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she responds, “there’s no such thing as teeth down there!”
“Yes, there are,” he says, “my mum told me so.”
“No, there aren’t,” she insists. “Here, look for yourself.” With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.
“No, I’m sorry” he says. “My mum already told me that all women have teeth down there.”

“Oh for crying out loud!” she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, “LOOK, I DON’T have any teeth down there.”

The boy takes a good long look and replies, “Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I’m not surprised!”

Your red font gives me a migraine if I try and read it for some reason

[F111]

Your red font gives me a migraine if I try and read it for some reason

Left click, drag to highlight....

[bomberdonnie]

Your red font gives me a migraine if I try and read it for some reason

Left click, drag to highlight....

iPad doesn't have a mouse

[F111]

Your red font gives me a migraine if I try and read it for some reason

Left click, drag to highlight....

iPad doesn't have a mouse

[Western Red]

Your red font gives me a migraine if I try and read it for some reason

Left click, drag to highlight....

iPad doesn't have a mouse

Not sure which was funnier!!!

[j-mac31]

Your red font gives me a migraine if I try and read it for some reason

Left click, drag to highlight....

iPad doesn't have a mouse

You can highlight on iPad. Double-tap then drag? I do it without thinking.

[bomberdonnie]

Your red font gives me a migraine if I try and read it for some reason

Left click, drag to highlight....

iPad doesn't have a mouse

You can highlight on iPad. Double-tap then drag? I do it without thinking.

Yes I know but the text is still a shade of migraine red

[Jazz_84]

report all future hazardous posts and ill rectify the situation

[j-mac31]

Your red font gives me a migraine if I try and read it for some reason

Left click, drag to highlight....

iPad doesn't have a mouse

You can highlight on iPad. Double-tap then drag? I do it without thinking.

Yes I know but the text is still a shade of migraine red

Man up?

[bomberdonnie]

Man up?

Fair call