Santa's in Guantanamo Bay!

BenDoolan · Post by **BenDoolan** » Fri Dec 29, 2006 9:08 am

Breaking news

Santa Claus has been shot down by the United States Air Defence Network while flying on what is believed to be a training run over Alaska. Santa has been charged with acts of terrorism, entering the USA without a valid visa, breaking and entering, unlawful combat, manufacturing weapons of mass destruction, espionage and of being the leader of an illegal terrorist network.

Santa survived the missile attack although his sleigh was damaged; he has been taken to Camp X-Ray in Guantanamo Bay, at the United States defence facility in Cuba. His sleigh is now being inspected by weapons inspectors and all the weapons held in unsecured red bags are being dismantled and destroyed by nuclear experts. Ten of Santa’s squad, 12 terrorist assassin reindeer are currently under arrest and in isolation cells at Camp X-Ray also.

Based on the news that Santa Claus was planning on moving his activities to Australia around the 25th of the December the Australian Government moved to join the United States, Great Britain and Lesotho in attacking the home base of this vile terrorist as Alexander Downer advised yesterday. The allied forces, being 250,000 US armour and infantry, 30,000 British troops and 30 Australian troops from the Royal Taxidermist Battalion advanced on the North Pole backed by heavy bombing from Jets of the American carriers USS Narcissist, USS Insanity and USS World Dominion and the British carrier HMS Token. An Australian frigate was in the naval flotilla. The HMAS Insignificant was patrolling nearby waters for any illegal arms shipments.

The troops landed on the 20th December and moved in for a surgical strike on the 21st December, by dropping 20,000 500lb bombs. The terror cell was armed with ray guns, remote control planes, Frisbees and water pistols. The allied forces were too skilled and far better trained and quickly over ran the terrorists who were often hiding in trees or in holes in the ground. The allied troops found chemistry 101 sets, prototype rockets, high speed go karts, baseball bats and miniature tanks and ships. General Bombastic of the US strategic strike command said ‘Thank God, America, and the President we got here in time, we have no doubt that Santa Claus was going to distribute these weapons of mass destruction around the world bringing untold mayhem. The bastard even perfected a miniature Abrahams Main Battle Tank as well as rochets and missiles.’

As part of the rehabilitation program for the area the Haliburton Corporation, part owned by the US Vice President ******** Cheney has offered to take control of the petroleum drilling operations on behalf of the freedom loving peoples of the North Pole. US corporations have also donated thousands of computers, copies of Microsoft Windows 1995 and twenty seven new McDonalds stores have opened in the last 24 hours and 497 Mississippi Christian missionaries are now working in the area. ‘We want the lives of people to continue as before, with the all the benefits that the United States has to offer them rebuild.’

Dancer and Blitzen are currently on the loose and believed to be in hiding in Sweden. American troops plan on continuing the war against terror into Sweden to extricate Dancer and Blitzen overthrow the socialist government of Sweden and install a democratic freedom loving government as they have in Kuwait. The war against terror in Sweden has nothing to do with the recent discovery of the fourth largest oil field in inland Sweden.

A spokesperson for President George Bush said that the US had gathered thousands of pieces of evidence regarding the insidious activities of Santa Claus who had invaded the homes of loyal Americans bringing in his socialist concepts of ‘giving things away’ trying to undermine the economic strength of the nation. Tony Blair of Great Britain has prepared a 200 page dossier of Santa discussing in detail his habits of stealing alcohol and stalking children to find out whether they had been ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Tony Blair released the dossier to the press with pictures of a Santa in his red suit and dark sunglasses following children around. Tony Blair added ‘That red hat obviously is a Turban of some sort revealing the fact that he is in fact a radical muslim extremist bent on the destruction of Western civilisation.

Macey’s of New York, Wal-mart chain of stores and Hamlyns of London have all been implicated in exporting to Santa. It is believed that a third party was involved in the shipment of Playstation and X-Box systems which theoretically could have been used for fire control systems and targeting computers for missiles that would have been used by Santa to murder innocent civilians. Gepeto, the toymaker has also been arrested for supplying life model decoys to Santa that could have been used as suicide bombers against civilian targets.

The US treasury has moved to freeze Santa’s assets around the world where he is know under a number of pseudonyms such as Papa Noel, Father Christmas and Saint Nicholas. ‘This just underpins his vile and evil nature’ said Donald Rumsfield on behalf of the President earlier this morning.

bomber_girl · Post by **bomber_girl** » Fri Dec 29, 2006 9:48 am

hahahaha gold

spikefan · Post by **spikefan** » Fri Dec 29, 2006 9:55 am

Ha Ha Ha Ha very funny.

The US-Canada official version of the events is here....
http://www.noradsanta.org/en/how_we_do_it.php

temporary stevo · Post by **temporary stevo** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 12:17 pm

Filthy · Post by **Filthy** » Sat Dec 30, 2006 12:22 pm

GOLD

pevfan · Post by **pevfan** » Mon Jan 01, 2007 10:07 pm

Any truth to the rumour that Saddam...oops I mean Santa has been captured, tried and is due to be hanged (along with his stockings) at first light next Tuesday??

jimmyc1985 · Post by **jimmyc1985** » Mon Jan 01, 2007 11:22 pm

http://migramatters.blogspot.com/2006/1 ... -from.html

Go the Grinches!