Moral Q #4 - Cheating.

Post by **Megan** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 6:29 pm

Ok straight up I reckon this thread will work better if we alllllll leave judging at the door. Cause we don't know facts.

I want to know... have you been cheated on, or cheated on someone? I know the stereotype is that men cheat, but I know more guys who have been cheated ON than I do guys who have cheated.

BenDoolan · Post by **BenDoolan** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 6:32 pm

I cheated on myself once. I used my left hand instead of my right....

dom_105 · Post by **dom_105** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 6:41 pm

Been cheated on once, and suspected again another time

Was a shit feeling.

Post by **Megan** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 6:50 pm

For clarifications sake - Dom you're a guy right?

dom_105 · Post by **dom_105** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 7:00 pm

Megan wrote:For clarifications sake - Dom you're a guy right?

Nothing but.

bomberdonnie · Post by **bomberdonnie** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 8:39 pm

Megan wrote:For clarifications sake - Dom you're a guy right?

Had both done both all felt great because the girl that cheated on me just gave me a good excuse to piss her off...

Happily married with 1.5 kids now so those days long behind me

grassy1 · Post by **grassy1** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 10:38 pm

What about NOT TELLING prospective partners about your past Megan?Does that count as CHEATING?

Gatsid · Post by **Gatsid** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 11:17 pm

Never cheated, unsure whether I have been cheated on. I think it's a dirty act, if there is someone else have the balls to tell and move on. That's my look on it.

keri · Post by **keri** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 7:49 am

I've been cheated on, and that was possibly the worst I've ever felt in my life. I didn't think it was possible to feel physically ill through hurt, but turns out you can.

On the plus side, I lost five kilos in four days.

I've never cheated on anyone, but I've been the other woman a few times, so I can hardly moralise. I'd never do it again, though.

I've been on the other side of that fence, and no-one wins.

keri · Post by **keri** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 8:41 am

I agree Filthy, but it's still a shitty thing to happen to you.

Which is why I will never be the cause of it again.

Nor would I put up with it again either though.

Post by **Megan** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 9:51 am

Grassy I'm of the opinion that you tell things to people when you're good and bloody well ready. I hate partners who pressure their other halves to spill their life story. So no I don't think that's cheating.

Keri funny you should bring up about being 'the other woman'. I've never cheated, nor have I been cheated on to the very best of my knowledge but I suppose it depends on your definition of cheating, on whether I've been the other woman or not.

I have never physically been the other woman, not even a kiss but I have however had guys who have tried to maintain the verbal side of a relationship with me when they've had girlfriends (does that make sense?) so I suppose I have MORALLY been the other woman, because I didn't deter it.

I wasn't DOING anything with someone elses guy, but I felt I was 'the other woman' because I wasn't discouraging them from saying inappropriate stuff to me.

To me, in a way, that's WORSE than just a sexual relationship.

keri · Post by **keri** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:08 am

I know exactly what you mean. Physical betrayal is nowhere near as bad as Emotional betrayal. Although neither is exactly much fun.

It’s weird the lines you draw and how often you cross them and then try and justify it. Four or five years ago I would have felt guilty being the other women, but it wouldn’t necessarily have stopped me. I’ve even tried to justify it in the past by saying “Well, I’ve never slept with a married man” But it didn’t stop me with an engaged man or a man who was living with his girlfriend.

Now, I wouldn’t even contemplate it. And it’s not because I’ve been cheated on in the meantime, because I’d been cheated on before that. I just look back on the fact that I did that and how much damage it could have done to everyone involved and thank my lucky stars that no-one got hurt the way I have. I didn’t think of the consequences then, and I do now.

I couldn’t tell you why.

Post by **Jazz_84** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 3:39 pm

never cheated and never will

never been cheated on... well not officially, one hooked up with a friend a week later while we were still working through it

pissed me off but didn't hurt me emotionally to much

Post by **Megan** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 3:48 pm

Keri, maybe it's an maturity thing - younger guys and gals don't necessarily think through the consequences as much.

Sismis · Post by **Sismis** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 4:09 pm

I've cheated once, ended up hurting 2 people who i cared about.

I have been cheated on by 2 chicks. Seems quite karmic really.

I have had 2 girlfriends who have left boyfriends to be with me. Even given opportunity I did nothing before they broke them off. I guess i grew some morals at some stage

Not an excuse but when i did cheat i was quite young (19). I think the pain it caused procluded me from ever doing it again.

Grassy, one thing i've learnt is, don't ask, don't tell. It has no bearing on the present and only ever ends up causing problems. I've never had good come of this.

For the record, I'm engaged and I've been with my fiance for five years and have been extremely blessed in this regard.

Post by **Megan** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 4:28 pm

Sismis I've always had this theory, that if you gain someone by them or you cheating to get the relationship, that's probably how you'll lose them.

I don't adhere to 'once a cheater always a cheater' but it certainly makes me look a little more carefully. Only one of my ex's had cheated on any of his ex's, and he was young too, and it really affected him. In saying that he's the only one of my ex's who I'm not 100% sure has never cheated on me - no reason to think he HAS, but it's niggled.

Interestingly, he's also the worst offender in regards to what I was talking about earlier - he was the one sending the most inappropriate messages to me after he'd moved in with, and then became engaged to his present partner. That behaviour certainly compounded my worries.

keri · Post by **keri** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 8:09 pm

Yeah. I was 21 the last time it happened, and I'd like to think I'm a bit more circumspect now than I was then.

Megan, it would worry you. I know I would be upset if I knew someone I was with was sending those kind of messages to someone else.

Rossoneri · Post by **Rossoneri** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 8:47 pm

I havent cheated and as far as I know, I have never been cheated on.

I also do not wish to know my partners life story, what she did before me is her business, not mine.

Post by **Megan** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 9:05 pm

Keri as the only other chickee in this thread... where do you stand on how much you know about your partners past? Us chicks are supposed to be obsessed with this matter, I think.

I personally don't feel the need to drill them for info on it, however if the relationship got serious enough I would like them to tell me at least the basics of it in their own time. I wouldn't press them for it though. I will mention my own past, but then again mine is so rediculously clean that it's not worth mentioning

All my ex's have volunteered info about their past to me without pressing, and fairly early in the relationship so it's never been an issue. The one guy who had cheated on his ex 12 years prior to us hooking up was so mortified by his behaviour it took him a week of telling me that he'd done something he didn't want me to know about before he eventually blurted it out - by that point I was thinking he was a kiddie fiddler, or into beastiality the way he was making such a deal of it

Madden · Post by **Madden** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 9:39 pm

Never cheated. Never been cheated on to my knowledge.

Never been with anyone who is in a relationship either (being the 'other man' so to speak). To me, doing this is pretty terrible behaviour. Not quite as bad as cheating on your partner, but definitely in the same ball park.