Thank f*** you've been axed from the C9 commentary box. I know they'll make it sound like it was otherwise, but you were just as shite behind the microphone as you were on the field or in the nets bowling to Piers Morgan (what a f****** idiot performance that was by the way).
Happy birthday cockhead.
Here's a nostalgic look back at your career...
Prior to Ashes 2001:
headline - A FITTER, FASTER LEE SET FOR TOUR
The result? 9 wickets @55.11
Prior to his inclusion for the 2002/03 Ashes series in Aust:
headline - LEE PICKED FOR QUICK KILL
"It's going to be a good battle and it's going to take courage to score runs and there is going to be some injuries. That's Test match cricket." Steve Waugh said.
The result? 13 wickets @41.23
Prior to Bangladesh series in Australia 2003:
headline - LEE READY TO TORMENT BANGLADESH
The result? 6 wickets @31.66
Prior to the Indian series in Australia 2003/04:
headline - BRETT LEE READY TO SPEW FIRE
"I felt like I was ready after that one-day match last week, but I'm definitely ready now. Come the Boxing Day Test I'll be raring to go. The body feels great, I'm really happy with the way the ball was coming out of the hand"
The result? 8 wickets @59.50
Prior to Ashes 2005:
Brett Lee will have licence from his captain to unleash 18 months of pent-up aggression on England when the Ashes series starts at Lord's on Thursday.
"I think the ball is definitely coming out just as well for me as it was back in 1999," said the 28-year-old.
"I feel I have matured a lot more as a cricketer and I am bowling a lot more with my head."
The result? 20 wickets @41.10
Prior to South African series in Australia 2005/06:
headline - LEE'S BOWLING TO DO THE TALKING
"I'm going to let my bowling do the talking."
The result? 13 wickets @32.38
Prior to the Bangladesh series in Bangladesh 2006:
headline - FIRED-UP LEE TO SHOW NO MERCY
Brett Lee has vowed to go hard in the two-Test series against Bangladesh, starting today. He said the only way for Bangladesh to learn about elite cricket was to be thrown in the deep end, the cruel end.
The result? 2 wickets @93.00
Prior to the Ashes series in Australia 2006/07:
headline - BRING EM ON - BRETT
Result? 20 wickets @33.20
Prior to series v India 2008:
Australian bowling coach Troy Cooley is impressed with the way Brett Lee had left behind 'personal issues' to focus on his career and believes that 'champion' pacer was ready to make an impact in the ongoing Test series against India.
The result? 8 wickets @61.62
Prior to South African series in 2008:
Brett Lee is back. The smile's back. The speed's back. The reverse is back. And, most importantly, the wickets are back.
The result? 1 wicket @249.00
These are only snippits of the landfill sized headlines and articles sprouting Brett Lee bullshit. It's was just a con to talk him up every ******* series and see these absolutely shithouse results.
One of my all time favourite quotes from FIGJAM came after a Shield game v QLD where he took a horrific 0 for 188 for the match - "I'm really, really pleased with the way the ball is coming out of the hand"
What a f****** muppet.
